Salesmen

SALESMEN…

Salesmen…
Mom got to the door before I did today and so a salesman was allowed into our living room. The only other salesmen I would have let in are my salesmen brothers. The rest I would have sent packing at the door. But this guy was very slick, or very dumb, I’m not entirely sure which. He promised mom a small air purifier free. What is that you might ask? Well I looked up the product on-line and it turns out to be a light duty humidifier/air cleaner with LED lighting that makes it look like it has ultraviolet lights that are purifying the air. About $19.99 at most places on-line and about half that shipped direct from China where it was made. I was tempted to put a foot in his butt anyway but mom wanted that free gift and to get it she had to listen to his spiel.
He was selling a top-of-the-line German engineered vacuum cleaner/humidifier/air purifier system. I thought, okay an hour tops and he’ll be gone, but no. Three hours later I said, bluntly, yet as politely as I could…

“How much longer do you think you will be? My mother is in her eighties and I have health issues and so we can’t sit here all day.”

He never missed a beat just kept right on demonstrating.

When I was a kid I got a job selling Electrolux vacuum cleaners. Not because I wanted a job selling Electrolux Vacuum cleaners, but because I grew up in paper-mill country and you either moved north to work in the mines or you put your name on a list to work in one of the paper-mills when someone died; leaving an opening. Or, I suppose you could do what I did after I quit the vacuum cleaner salesman job and pump gas. Anyway, I went to Electrolux Vacuum cleaner sales school in the back of the shop for three days before I could be trusted to hit the road with some shiny brochures and a ratty older model Electrolux to sell; so I recognized the hard sell when I saw it. It is, if you don’t know, you never stop until they are so fed up or talked out that they buy just to get you to leave. That was this guys plan. Twenty minutes later I said…
“So I looked you guys up and you have a lot of bad reviews on Google.”
Didn’t phase him. So I said…
“Look… We are not going to buy your vacuum cleaner/air purifier/humidifier. It just isn’t going to happen.”
“Oh, I know… But let me break this down for you.” And he proceeded to sell again, more options, less money, blah blah blah… So I said…
“You need to go, Bud. I don’t like being a dick but I can be.”
He said. “Yes… I know… You haven’t thrown me out or hit me or anything… I appreciate this… But let me just call my boss.”
So, he called his boss and wonder of wonders his boss knocked another thousand dollars off the price and of course he told me this with his boss on the line listening so I said loud enough for his boss to hear it…
“Hey… You’re a polite young man… Great salesman, but we are not economically able to do it right now… You see that Chevy out there?” I pointed out the window at the car.
“Well,” I continued, “I would like to drive a Lexus but I can’t afford to so I drive that Chevy. It’s the same with this Vacuum cleaner…”
He interrupted me…
“Air purifier/cleaner and vacuum,” he corrected. “It does a lot more.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “Except that Shark right there does well enough for us.”
His boss hung up and the guy said… “Well, let me show you just a few more things…”
“Is your boss on the way to get you?” I asked. Another hard sell tactic. He gets dropped off and so you hate to kick the guy out as he has no ride until he calls his boss. I’d like to see my brothers sell that way, lol. Just kidding. I love both of you but don’t come here with your products and no ride home or I will kick up the recording studio and break out the guitars and no selling will happen.
Anyway, he was sold out. I was being less amiable is the way I’ll put it. He called his boss one last time and the boss offered another thousand bucks off; zero down and immediate delivery.
“Nope,” I said.
There seemed to be nothing else to say, and I was not kidding, trading on my bad guy days and attitude and so he left.
I made dinner; really late, and mom fussed around setting up her Chinese made air/purifier/cleaner free gift from a German high Tech vacuum/air purifier/cleaner company… Ye haw… The whole house smells like flowers and the cats are miffed…


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